Feel free to use that with your friends and family. I imagine it would really spice up Christmas.

All right, I won’t lie to you. Things have been super-crazy-ugly-busy in the last few days, and as a result my brain resembles something akin to oatmeal, but lumpier. So, I just have a few things to mention:

-Captain America: Reborn = YAWN

-The new Eminem album has a few really good tracks on it. I’d say half the album is good. Since there is a second part due later this year, I can only shake my head as to why he didn’t just put out one really great CD.

-I have lost all interest in wrestling. It’s been on for the last hour, and I’ve barely looked up. On the flipside, I will run to the TV to catch a So You Think You Can Dance marathon.

-I don’t understand why coffee can’t just be fed directly into my veins.

-Putting together comic book longboxes is akin to solving a Rubix cube.

-I would not have voted off Vitolio.

-You need to check out, Of Machines, A Day To Remember, and Street Sweeper Social Club. Really, really great stuff. A Day To Remember might just be my summer band of 2009.

All right, there it is. It wasn’t much, but it was something. I promise more coherent thought (or as close as I get anyway) next time.

And a happy Canada Day to one and all! Even if you aren’t Canadian, let us take this moment to share in the joyful celebration of all things Canuck:

-Hockey
-Beer
-Maple Syrup
-Tim Hortons
-Wolverine

Yeah, that about covers it. I might be forgetting a few things like our rich heritage and wonderful freedoms, but I think I got the important stuff, right?

Anyway, on a completely different note, I had a horrible experience at a large electronics retailer the other day. For sake of confidentiality, let’s call them Best B. No, wait, that’s too obvious… let’s go with B. Buy.

I went into the store expecting to drop some serious money on some items I’ve been needing for a while, and since I haven’t been able to solve the monitor issue I’m having with my laptop, probably a new computer too.

Instead, after being ignored by the sales staff for over 30 minutes in two different departments (for a total of over an hour of wasted time), I left somewhat empty handed and frustrated. I wouldn’t have minded being kept waiting if the store was overly busy, or there was a problem of some sort, but what I saw was sales associate after sales associate helping out people that were older than me, and making (what they presumed to be) “larger” purchases.

Now, I can admit when I dress casually, I dress casually. Baggy shorts, baseball caps, Vans creepers, and yes I have some Ink. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to spend money in your store. When I was leaving, I mentioned to the person at the front of the store that I was fed up with being treated this way, and he attempted to argue with me that it wasn’t the case because they don’t work on commission. Yeah? Then I’m going to a store where they do. Then I know that I’m not going to be overlooked, and my patronage will actually be appreciated, because it actually means something to the sales staff.

Y’know, they say that good service in a store causes the happy customer to tell approximately 5 of their friends about their experience. Bad service causes the unsatisfied customer to tell about 18 people. How many do you think I’ve hit here?

And so, Boob Month 2009 draws to a happy close. I hope that we’ve all learned something. I know I haven’t! In all seriousness though, we originally conceived Boob Month as a way to draw attention to the various Breast Cancer Charities that are out there doing incredible work to earn money for research into this disease. I think I am safe in saying that we have all been touched in one way or another by cancer, and taking some time or donating some money to help in the fight is something I would highly recommend taking the time to do.

All right, something amazing happened on the weekend. I went to a wedding, and (are you ready for this?) I didn’t hate it! My good friend Robert and his lovely fiancée Karen finally tied the knot this weekend at a really nice, small ceremony at the home of a good friend.

Now those of you who know me know that I hate 2 things in the world: Wearing a suit, and weddings. But this was one time when even the icy cynicism of my heart was melted, and I was really touched by the speeches, the ceremony and the event itself. The Groom gave a speech that I think will stick with everyone who was there for a long time.

It also got me thinking about, of all things, Love. When asked why he loved his new wife, The Groom could only happily grin and say “… I don’t know. But every day is better with her in it.”

Like I said earlier, it was even enough to melt my icy cynicism.

But it made sense to me, because I think that if you are truly in love with someone, and I mean head-over-heels-romance-novel-worthy-of-Nick-Sparks in love, and you are asked to define why… then the list of reasons probably seems so infinite that a happy “I don’t know” is a perfectly reasonable answer. Because when you really love someone, it’s so big and all-encompassing, it shouldn’t be easy to quantify. At least that’s what I think.

So to the happy couple I say Congratulations, and I hope you keep on “not knowing” for the rest of your lives.

And to the rest of you I say… sorry this post was so sappy. I’ll be back to my belligerent self next time, I promise. Maybe.

There were just so many things to pass along to our brothers in the Boobie Struggle that we felt it warranted a second strip. As I said before, these are things to take to heart. There will be a test. Maybe. Assuming I get around to it.

Sometimes, I don’t really know where to begin with things. Sometimes the scope of a person’s life or story is so vast that its impossible to comment on it accurately. That said, I want to talk about Michael Jackson for a moment.

Jackson’s life was far from perfect. The erratic behaviour, the abuse he suffered as a child star, his troubles with the law and questionable financial choices. But I have to be honest. On the day of his death those are not the things that come to mind for me. I do not excuse or ignore any of the darker aspects of Jackson’s life, but for me what I am focused on right now is the music.

Jackson was an incredible performer. When he was on stage, he gave everyone more than their money’s worth. That was where he was at home, that was where his life actually was. His music was universal, and even if you don’t like it, or the man himself, you have to respect the amount of people he was able to reach with it. There is no other performer of his generation who’s songs are more well known around the world. “Thriller” is still one of the best selling records of all time, and to have him die so suddenly is so strange, so bizarre, that it’s almost befitting of the life he led.

Like I say, I don’t excuse or defend any of the stranger and more controversial aspects of the man’s life and behaviour. All I’m saying is that the music, at its core (and I believe at Jackson’s core), is what I’ll remember. No matter what you think of the man or his music, this is going to be one of those days when you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news.

Well well, turnabout is fair play is it not, ladies? A little tit for tat, as it were.

Yes, that was a horrible joke, but I stand by it. You know me; I’m never one to shy away from making a boob of myself.

OK, enough of those mouldy old yuks, there are far more pressing issues at hand. For one, did you know that Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen is out today? What am I saying, of course you did. I bring it up only to say that it’s going to take a few days for me to get to the theatre, so no spoilers please! The early reviews are in, and they give me more than enough info:

“It’s bigger, louder, and dumber than the first one.”
-Richard Crouse
Beloved Movie Critic

That’s all I need to know.

The other thing that I wanted to mention was this amazing site that I fell upon the other day. It’s called Artificial Owl, and it’s a blog dedicated to the most fascinating abandoned man-made objects. I’m talking shipwrecks, empty buildings, fields of cars that have been reclaimed by forests, and even an abandoned Submarine base!

I spent about 4 hours trolling through this site and it was absolutely fascinating. What I love about it is that it gives you the story behind each ghost town and ship graveyard. There are some really incredible stories.

OK, that’s it. I sleep now.

Take these tips to heart, kids. Not only are they words to live by, but there will undoubtedly be a test. It might be multiple choice, it might be essay. In fact, we should have a test to determine what kind of test we have. That’s democracy at work!

So my Totally-Awesome-Hope-It-Never-Ends week continues. When I got up yesterday morning, I fired up the ol’ laptop as usual, ready to tackle another day of internet fun and frivolity. The computer started up all right, but I was staring at a blank monitor screen. After a couple of unsuccessful re-boots, I jumped in the car and sped up the local Best Buy.

We were able to determine that the computer was working fine; it was in fact the monitor wire that was faulty. A wire that could be put in working order again for the low, low price of $250. Since I don’t have $250 right now (see last Monday’s post), I made some calls and had my butt saved yet again by kindly ol’ Unca Lar!

That’s right; I am typing this to you now using a monitor that is so huge it takes up half of my desk, borrowed from the man who saves me time and time again, personally and professionally. It’s an older monitor, and kind of amazing in terms of its sheer size, but it works beautifully, and I am ever grateful to have it!

So I enter this week cautiously optimistic that it will be better than the last. Only time will truly tell, but based on the crisp new copy of Star Trek: The Manga Ultimate Edition sitting on my bedside table (courtesy of Gal Pal Val), things are looking up!

Last Week: From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee!!!

The word “crazy” get’s thrown around a lot in our society. It’s a term that seems to be most often applied to a guy’s gal when she is making little to no sense. This may not be fair to girl in question. She may just have different rational for her actions, and isn’t crazy! Just different! Women aren’t crazy, just puzzling to us dudes sometimes, and it in no way makes them any less loveable.

Other times though, a spade is a spade.

So, with that said, on to Chapter 3 of the Great Captain America #600 Saga. The good news is that the book arrived (in abundance) on Wednesday, and I was able to get a copy with no troubles. It was a 64-page monster of a book, that featured some of the best and brightest comics have to offer, as well as a couple of classic reprints that were actually worth reading.

The only problem was that the book was terrible. It was fluff, there was nothing to it, and all the hype paid off with nothing happening. There were a few decent moments here and there, but for the most part it was a big let-down. I’ll have more to say on The Watchtower this week, but I wanted to give youse guys a heads up since you’ve been there with me every step of the way through this ordeal.

In other news my Debit Card was cloned this week, and my bank account emptied. I can only assume that the culprit is A) A clone of me, B) A robot-me from the future, or C) my long-lost evil twin, Hprum. So if you see any one of these people on the street, beat them up and get my money back! Remember, the culprit looks just like me, so don’t be fooled! No matter how much they protest and claim to be the real me! Beat them up!

Yes, this plan is foolproof! Foolproof, I say…

Sometimes, the direct approach is the best approach. It’s always better to just say what’s in your heart, and get it off your chest (no pun intended), so that everyone is abreast of how you feel (pun totally intended). I don’t necessarily suggest using these methods on total strangers, particularly those with large boyfriends, but I stand by them none the less.

So remember how excited I was on Monday to get my greasy little mitts on Captain America #600? Yeah, it was mainly stores in the USA that got the special permission to sell it on a Monday. Canadian and International stores had to pay extra, so most shops opted out of it, and will sell the book on Wednesday with all the other new releases.

What a load of crap. Marvel (and Diamond, the comic book distributor), if you are going to make a big deal out of a book or event, and send out press releases and articles about a special release date, you may want to mention that half you audience won’t have access to the book like you’re promising.

I don’t begrudge you wanting to sell the book early; I don’t begrudge you for wanting to tie in the release/announcements with Flag Day. Just let the rest of us know the availability of the product you want us to buy. It saves those of us who care running all over town trying to find a book that isn’t going to be there for another three days.

There’s a lot more to say about this issue, and I say it on this week’s Watchtower. Myself, Dizzle, and special guest Co-Host Katherine Curtis (The Naked Nerd) pick this issue apart, and have a good time doing it in spite of the rage seething inside me.

Oh, and I lied earlier. When I said “get my greasy little mitts on Captain America #600” I really meant “carefully pick up, and then bag and board my copy of Captain America #600.” Can’t be too careful, y’know…

It is my dream to one day see Dollywood. Not because I’m a huge fan of Dolly Parton’s ample, er, talents, but because I love the idea of an entire theme park dedicated to a person that’s still alive. Places like Graceland and the Alexander Graham Bell museum are cool because they are about the life and eccentricities of someone who isn’t here to explain them. However, Dollywood has roller-coasters. And she’s still alive. So she wins.

This is a pretty special Monday, not just because the glory of Boob Month continues, but also because we are looking at the rare Monday-release of a comic book.

For those of you not in the know, comic books are usually released on Wednesdays, and thus why I have to eat spaghetti on Thursdays because I have spent all my money at the shop. This week though, Captain America #600 is on shelves today, and it promises to be a huge deal.

Marvel made headlines a couple years ago when Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, was assassinated. It was a big deal because this is an iconic character that has (to this point anyway) actually stayed dead for more than a few weeks. In comics, no one really stays dead and it’s rumoured that Steve Rogers might be returning in Cap #600. Personally, I hope not, but we’ll have to see. Marvel has promised that this will get them mainstream press, so it’s gotta be big, whatever it is!!

I’m sure that was very captivating for you all. I only bring it up because I am ever-encouraging people to visit their local comic shop and see what’s out there. As much as it annoys me when Meatheads in bars tell me about their “mint copy of Spawn #1,” anything that gets people into the stores that normally would walk on by, is fine by me.

There is one thing that women will always have over men. There may be questions about pay scales, objectification (Is that even a word?), and equality in general, but one thing is for certain: Women smell better than men. Always have, always will. True, some of the fragrances are more, uh, potent, than others, but the fact remains. Women smell good. Let’s keep it that way, shall we folks?

Since it’s Friday and deep, thought-out blog posts are so passé, I thought I’d drop a little music on you all to guide you into the weekend!

First off, it’s the beginning of what I like to call “Summer Sampler Season,” where record labels offer up compilation albums for next to nothing to promote their bands. As always, this year kicks off with the Warped Tour 2009 comp. Its 2 discs, about 50 bands, and only $10. Just buy it.

Next up for you face-melting metalheads out there, check out the new album from Mastodon, titled Crack The Skye. I must say, I thought I was going to hate this band, but on the recommendation of Metallica’s James Hetfield, I gave it a shot and it’s really, really good. Especially if you are a fan of the heavier, grungier stuff from the early ‘90s.

Finally, I’ve been listening to an album called As If Everything Was Held In Place, by a band called Of Machines. It’s kind of hard to describe, but it’s heavy, fast, and the best vocals I’ve heard since Bruce Dickinson.
So there ya go! What’re you listening to?

Oh, I wanted to mention that upon seeing the “Dizzle Vs Girls” strip the other day, the Dizzle has insisted that we do a shirt featuring Admiral Ackbar. Is this something that would interest people?